lessWendy

I got an unexpected call from my sister today during lunch. I could hear her crying as I picked up the phone. I thought for sure someone had died or there was a horrible accident. I only say these things because it is out of my sister’s character to call me in the the middle of the day or to cry. It just doesn’t happen. As she began to calm down I realized that she was horribly depressed and feeling very lonely. Her one and only friend had triggered the depression by acting in a manner opposite how a friend should. My sister felt I would understand because I deal with depression off and on. She was right.

It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t dealt with depression. There is not one single word that nails it. You wake up and the black curtain of storm clouds have suddenly dropped around you. How do you face the people in your life feeling that they are silently mouthing the word, “again?”. How do you explain that the objectively irrational impulses seem subjectively rational?

Most of the time things do get better. However, there are times when the wiring isn’t just on the fritz, it’s burnt out. That is where medication and/or counseling can help. I’ve done both and medication seems to let me down less.

Fortunately for me most days resemble “normal”. I get up, shower, go to work, and try to fit into normal as much as possible.

However, there are those days when the mask is tissue-paper thin. The will to just get out of bed and survive through the day leaves me utterly exhausted by the end. I wrap myself around hope and God’s big love that the waters will soon recede and I will be safe and dry again.

Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with brotherly affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Never flag in zeal, be aglow with the Spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints, practice hospitality.- (Romans 12:9-13, RSV)

Just a verse I wanted to share with you.

Thoughts?

What is it about puppies that make them so darn delicious? I see a puppy and my automatic response is to ooh and ahh while begging the owner to allow me to hold him and sniff his breath. I couldn’t be mad at someone pointing a gun at me in one hand while a cute scrumptious puppy is in the other. Take my wallet sir but can the puppy stay? I promise you there is a market out there where people would pay big bucks BIG BUCKS I tell ya to be in a room full of nothin’ but puppies. Just imagine 50 puppies yappin’, nippin’ and sniffin’. I would take a room full of puppies over a room of humans any day. I love puppies yes, yes I do.

I am just getting over an illness I’ve had for a few days. I’m still a little dizzy and dehydrated but other than that I think I’ll be getting back to work tomorrow. I am ashamed to say that I am one of the biggest babies when it comes to being sick. Thank you to my husband Shawn for coming home early and taking care of me.

I have not been this sick in awhile. At one point  today I was laying on the couch and began to feel sorry for myself and tears welled up in my eyes. I saw my cell phone laying next to me and although there was nothing she could do for me at the time I called none other than my mother and began sobbing to her. Just hearing her voice made me feel just a little bit better.

Reading God’s word can make me feel this way sometimes. I’ll read something that cuts or hurts or is so raw I can’t stomach myself. I’ll think of how poorly I reacted to a certain situation or my ever-demanding selfishness and think of all of the sins that I have committed and I want to scream “How can He love….this.” But then I hear it…that small gentle voice as sweet as honey…and I start to feel just a little bit better.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34165

Life is so nuts right now. Between doing extra work at my job, church, and normal everyday chores I think I am meeting myself coming and going. I am hoping it will slow down after this Saturday or at least  for awhile. I only have one more wedding and then a two month break. This wedding may get a little crazy too…

During this busy time I have been wanting to tell people who are used to me being relaxed and a little witty… “Look, I don’t have time to be witty”….”wit is not on my list of things to do today.” It’s gotten to the point where I have to schedule lazy time. “Sorry, Bob, I can’t meet you for lunch I’m booked with lazy at that same time.”

Not been reading the B-I-B-L-E as much either (insert excuse here). Don’t want to get into that habit. So I need to schedule it or I know myself well enough that I won’t do it and no one wants to see fake Christian Wendy again…I just shivered.

Someone said “Tact is for people not witty enough to be sarcastic”. I love sarcasm. I watch episodes of Seinfeld and wish I had an apartment in New York. I like “getting it”. I’ve been with people who are completely opposite of sarcastic. They tend to be very literal with what I’m saying to them. It gets awkward when I have to point out that I was being sarcastic. That’s not to say I wouldn’t hang out with this person or that we couldn’t end up being friends, however, I don’t think I could be close friends with someone who wasn’t sarcastic.

So why am I bringing this up? Well, I didn’t realize it till recently. I always knew I felt more comfortable with people who had a certain personality. Those who are quick to make fun of me and even more of themselves. Someone who can point out something obsessive that I do or say and make a joke out of it. What that says to me is that they realize a “flaw” that I have and they love me anyway.

I’m just putting it out there….so I’m ending with a line from Seinfeld taken from “The Chinese Restaurant” episode: “I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?”….

1 Timothy 1:5-7

5-7 The whole point of what we’re urging is simply love—love uncontaminated by self-interest and counterfeit faith, a life open to God. Those who fail to keep to this point soon wander off into cul-de-sacs of gossip. They set themselves up as experts on religious issues, but haven’t the remotest idea of what they’re holding forth with such imposing eloquence.

But what these verses are saying is exactly what I am not doing. My love can be contaminated, self-fulfilled, counterfeit, and closed to God.

I don’t want to love the person who has hurt me, is rude to me, lied to me, misled me. I want them to know how wrong they are and that this time they have messed with the wrong lady. I want an apology and sweet revenge and for them to suffer and to come crawling on their knees asking for my forgiveness. Let me check my schedule…ding…not giving out forgiveness till Wednesday…NEXT!

That’s just it. It’s not about me. It’s about Jesus. Loving others despite what they do to me is exactly who He is. For my life to reflect Christ I need to love….

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

Wednesday I went and got the scan done on the thyroid and thankfully no nodules were found. After the scan the doctor at the hospital checked my neck and there appeared to be no obvious signs of enlargement…aka “goiter“.  She thought I wouldn’t receive any type of results from my family doctor until Monday which bummed me out because I want everything 2 days ago.

That afternoon, however, I received a call from my doctor’s office and I officially had hypothyroidism. The doctor called in a prescription of Levothyroxine and I am on 50 mcg of it.

Thank you for all of your prayers and I’ll keep you posted on how the medicine is doing and how it is affecting my life and weight loss…:-)

Have you ever went to the doctor for one issue and it turns out you have a few more? I went to an appointment last Wednesday and  actually had a high blood pressure reading. Now mind you I am only 35 and I have NEVER even once had a high reading. Nothing extreme but it concerned my doctor so she asked that I take my blood pressure for a week and call in the results. Not a problem. She also ran some blood tests. Again, no problem. The nurse calls on Thursday to let me know the results. First thing is my cholesterol is 460! Normal levels should be no more than 200. Second thing is my thyroid isn’t working properly….to be exact I have Hypothyroidism.

I hop on the Internet to do some research and find out a lot of the problems I have been dealing with could very well be the symptoms of this disease including the high cholesterol reading, fatigue, weight gain, memory issues and constipation. I go tomorrow to pop a radioactive capsule and within 24 hours will have my thyroid scanned to check for nodules. I am very hopeful about this and ask if you could squeeze in a little prayer that everything goes smoothly. I will blog about the results the end of this week.