I got an unexpected call from my sister today during lunch. I could hear her crying as I picked up the phone. I thought for sure someone had died or there was a horrible accident. I only say these things because it is out of my sister’s character to call me in the the middle of the day or to cry. It just doesn’t happen. As she began to calm down I realized that she was horribly depressed and feeling very lonely. Her one and only friend had triggered the depression by acting in a manner opposite how a friend should. My sister felt I would understand because I deal with depression off and on. She was right.
It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t dealt with depression. There is not one single word that nails it. You wake up and the black curtain of storm clouds have suddenly dropped around you. How do you face the people in your life feeling that they are silently mouthing the word, “again?”. How do you explain that the objectively irrational impulses seem subjectively rational?
Most of the time things do get better. However, there are times when the wiring isn’t just on the fritz, it’s burnt out. That is where medication and/or counseling can help. I’ve done both and medication seems to let me down less.
Fortunately for me most days resemble “normal”. I get up, shower, go to work, and try to fit into normal as much as possible.
However, there are those days when the mask is tissue-paper thin. The will to just get out of bed and survive through the day leaves me utterly exhausted by the end. I wrap myself around hope and God’s big love that the waters will soon recede and I will be safe and dry again.
