Let me refer to the scripture when it says: “Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. But only what is help for building others up according to their needs, so it may benefit those that listen,” Ephesians 4:29. This, unwholesome talk could mean a number of things. I hear what you are saying about honesty, but think really hard about what you are asking. It is not always important for those around you to know absolutely everything that you are thinking and feeling…some of what we think and feel about people needs to be tempered before we talk.

If you walk up to me and ask, “so what do you think of my outfit?” and to me, it is the most ugly item of clothing I had ever seen, I wouldn’t blurt out, “You look terrible, I can’t believe that you would even wear that in public!” that would not benefit you or those listening…it would shock you and hurt your feelings. Tempering your speech and saying something like, “you know, I wouldn’t have picked out that shirt for myself, but when you put it together with those awesome shoes you have on, it sort of goes together.” Or, “you know, I just not that into fuzzy leopard sequins, but you have a great personality and can pull anything off and it is cute just because you are wearing it.” What is wrong with that? I am being honest, I wouldn’t have chosen that shirt, but I am not demeaning you as an individual….

So then what to say about being snubbed, or overlooked….my answers to that come from a different vantage point than most….I have a tendency, because of my husbands line of work, to hold information about him or others that, at times is very hard to carry. Almost a year ago in fact, I had to carry around with me a burden that I was not allowed to share with anyone, not even my closest friends. I was in emotional agony, and had a deep rooted desire to talk to someone about all of the emotions flying through my head. And yet, week after week, I had to attend church and put on my “everything is great” face. It wasn’t that I wanted to lie to my friends, but if the information that I carried got “out there” if would have been a worse situation than it proved to be. Knowing myself and being HONEST with myself, I knew that the more I hung around my friends the more I would be tempted to spew my guts. So the only solution that I thought I had, at the time, was to pull away and keep to myself.

Sometimes, there are people in our lives that carry burdens for others in a effort to protect us. Out of a deep love and respect for our friendship, they choose to keep hurtful or angering information away from our hearts and minds. This does come across as rudeness or dishonesty, when in fact; the cause is rooted in love. We need to be careful not to trade honesty for pettiness, when all of the facts are not known to us.

Just to name a few … I’m with ya…Tell it like it is and PLEASE tell ME like it is sister!