“Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.”
Today I’m done lying to myself, my friends and (gulp) my family. Am I going to be mean to my fellow human being…no. Am I going to lose people I thought loved me…likely. Am I going to be free…definitely. You might ask if I think this will be easy…absolutely not.
So why this change of heart or head? Well, I never want to be in a position where people are not sure where I am coming from. You deserve this! What kind of friend would I be if I was to think one way and say absolutely the opposite out my mouth? I deserve this! To hear it from people who are my friend and have at least a shred of respect for me. Please don’t let my dirty look consume you and then fester…I owe you an explanation even if it was just me wondering why the lights have to be so darn bright.
Did I walk past and you thought I was snubbing you? Tell me! I was probably focused on something and didn’t even realize you were there. Do I have bad breath? For goodness sake lay it on me string bean! Did my kid threaten your toddler? Well that’s not right…I’ll get right on that.
Why do I want to lose weight? For health benefits? That’s what I tell people and oh and I may have mentioned it to myself somewhere along the way…but the simple fact is I want to look hot, feel good about myself, and not have to shop in the “other” section of the clothing store. I hate having to pay extra moolah because the manufacturer had to use another bolt of cloth to cover my ever increasing self. The health benefits are a given and I am choosing that approach when losing weight but that is not what ultimately puts me on the treadmill or helps me to choose the salad over a big ol’ cheeseburger. I already feel the tension starting to be released from my shoulders….
And finally…
The primary cause of stress, depression and anger is,”living in a story and lying to maintain it” (Radical Honesty) How’s that one slap ya? I still feel the burn because (breathing in to yell) THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I AM DOING!
How about you? Honestly.
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:45 am
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April 2nd, 2008 at 9:25 am
I so agree with you. Honest in your face truth may hurt for a second but when we hide or lie it festers and the damage is more long term. If the world and myself were more open, honest and up front it would be better and so would the relationship around me. You go girl!! I promise to be radically honest with you in return to your radical honesty.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:34 pm
YOU ROCK!!! i completely agree and hear you on the clothing thing. And that is also why I broke down with me parents it’s because I agree and I don’t want to say it out loud. So you know what slap me with honesty and I will slap back. I’m so tried of people being fake especially when you ask “How are you” and they say “GOOD” what in the world that has no meaning Good…..that doesn’t tell me one good lick on a sucker or not. So take off the earrings and just bring it on….I think this radical honesty will help us all.
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Exod. 23:7 - “keep far from a false charge”
Prov. 6:12 - “a worthless person, a wicked man, is the one who walks with a false mouth”
Prov. 6:19 - “things which the Lord hates…a false witness who utters lies”
Prov. 12:17 - “He who speaks truth tells what is right, but a false witness, deceit”
I Cor. 13:6 - “love…rejoices with the truth”
Eph. 4:15 - “speaking the truth in love”
I Jn. 2:21 - “no lie is of the truth”
Rev. 21:27 - “no one who practices abomination and lying, shall ever come into it (heaven)”
Just to name a few :-)… I’m with ya…Tell it like it is and PLEASE tell ME like it is sister!
April 17th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
First of all, I love that Bill Joel song secondly; there are very deep reasons why some people keep the truth to themselves, some of which are in an effort to protect a person, or a group of persons. That does not mean that they are lying as much as they are, “looking toward the interests of others.”
Let me refer to the scripture when it says: “Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. But only what is help for building others up according to their needs, so it may benefit those that listen,” Ephesians 4:29. This, unwholesome talk could mean a number of things. I hear what you are saying about honesty, but think really hard about what you are asking. It is not always important for those around you to know absolutely everything that you are thinking and feeling…some of what we think and feel about people needs to be tempered before we talk.
If you walk up to me and ask, “so what do you think of my outfit?” and to me, it is the most ugly item of clothing I had ever seen, I wouldn’t blurt out, “You look terrible, I can’t believe that you would even wear that in public!” that would not benefit you or those listening…it would shock you and hurt your feelings. Tempering your speech and saying something like, “you know, I wouldn’t have picked out that shirt for myself, but when you put it together with those awesome shoes you have on, it sort of goes together.” Or, “you know, I just not that into fuzzy leopard sequins, but you have a great personality and can pull anything off and it is cute just because you are wearing it.” What is wrong with that? I am being honest, I wouldn’t have chosen that shirt, but I am not demeaning you as an individual….
So then what to say about being snubbed, or overlooked….my answers to that come from a different vantage point than most….I have a tendency, because of my husbands line of work, to hold information about him or others that, at times is very hard to carry. Almost a year ago in fact, I had to carry around with me a burden that I was not allowed to share with anyone, not even my closest friends. I was in emotional agony, and had a deep rooted desire to talk to someone about all of the emotions flying through my head. And yet, week after week, I had to attend church and put on my “everything is great” face. It wasn’t that I wanted to lie to my friends, but if the information that I carried got “out there” if would have been a worse situation than it proved to be. Knowing myself and being HONEST with myself, I knew that the more I hung around my friends the more I would be tempted to spew my guts. So the only solution that I thought I had, at the time, was to pull away and keep to myself.
Sometimes, there are people in our lives that carry burdens for others in a effort to protect us. Out of a deep love and respect for our friendship, they choose to keep hurtful or angering information away from our hearts and minds. This does come across as rudeness or dishonesty, when in fact; the cause is rooted in love. We need to be careful not to trade honesty for pettiness, when all of the facts are not known to us.